Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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