We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
