it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
