Whats the glycemic index on semen?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
