Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
