so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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