PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
