the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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