It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
