i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
