I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
