dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
