So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
