when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
