This is not my ceiling
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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