Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
