just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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