i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
