He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
