I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
