i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
