I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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