saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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