I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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