Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
