It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
