Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
