im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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