Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
