I have demons in me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
