ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
