A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
