Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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