words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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