i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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