I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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