What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
