Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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