I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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