his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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