Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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