don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
