dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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