I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
