we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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