"it" just moved
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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