Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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