you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
