Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
