my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
