How'd it feel making her break her religion?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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