I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
