I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
