I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
